yes, this conversation really took place between me and my roommate one morning
Zoë: you know what I think I need?
Rob: an enema?
Zoë: a sword
Rob: a sword?
Zoë: yeah!
Rob: what kind of sword?
Zoë: a big ass sword!
Rob: … ok
Zoë: (laughing) don’t you think that’s like the worst idea ever?
Rob: Oh it’s right up there, but I’m gonna humor you for the time being so I can ask what the hell you need a sword for
Zoë: So I can hang it on my wall
Rob: oh, ok
Zoë: … and kill people who try to break in and rape me
Rob: I know I’m going to regret asking this but… define “people who break in and try to rape you.”
Zoë: I thought that was pretty self explanatory
Rob: see, it should be, but with you it’s not. Does your definition include people sitting on the couch saying really stupid stuff?
Zoë: … you know, it might
Rob: *sigh*
Zoë: Well… they’re raping my mind! There you go.
Rob: yes, but you invited them in
Zoë: well we’re not vampires. Screw ‘em!