TY: Why?

ROB: it’s so much easier this way. There’s no fucking drama, there’s no wasted energy, I have all sorts of free time now…

TY: I wouldn’t exactly call sex wasted energy

ROB: no, not the sex itself, but all the energy you spend working on getting it and the effort you put in afterwards apologizing

TY + AMY: …

ROB: er… not that I ever had to… um…

TY: right

ROB: But anyway, you don’t have to work as hard for it when you just don’t care

AMY: you have to work for it?

TY + ROB: Fuck you!

ROB: It’s totally different for you. You could walk into any room anywhere, take your shirt off and say “now” and you get laid as many times as you want. We actually have to put some effort into it.

TY: well… I never really had to try that hard

ROB: right, but people don’t automatically assume you’re a nice guy or a serial rapist either. You have an advantage.

AMY: Um…

ROB: What?

AMY: I never thought you were a serial rapist.

ROB: but you aren’t going to fuck me either.

AMY: point taken

ROB: see, the only thing that might improve my chances with you is if you were a lesbian.

TY: that… made no sense

ROB: I know. Isn’t it great?

AMY: stop it

ROB: what?

AMY: I hate it when you say shit like that

ROB: why? It’s true isn’t it?

AMY: No

ROB: yes it is. In our current situation you and I are friends, yes?

AMY: yeah

ROB: and our friendship is such that there is not even the remotest possibility that we’ll ever even kiss, let alone sleep together.

AMY: that’s because I value you too much as a friend!

ROB: Whatever the reason is, it’s true.

AMY: …

ROB: So it’s safe to say that I would have a better chance of anything even remotely sexual with you if your preference for lovers totally excluded my gender. As it happens now, if you got into a mood where you had to fuck, like needed it, you would call me up and say “so horny! Must fuck something! Can you give me a ride?”

AMY: I would NOT!

TY: (laughing)