Welcome to the first installment of the expanded bulletin. What this is gonna be is my inherently fucked-up style of storytelling complete with side rambles and pictures where available. This is not meant to replace the bulletins, simply to give a more colorful version of what I put in them.
So, with that in mind, I think I’ll start off with where things are going now, starting with three days after I sent out Bulletin One. I received notice that my car was at the dealership ready to be picked up on Monday. I was pumped. My first car, and this one was pretty freakin’ cool anyway. I had gone to the dealer with a perfect car in mind after doing some research. I found a stray salesman wandering the barren wastes of the lot and said I wanted to find a car. He asked what sort and I said “I want a Volkswagen Jetta, Diesel engine, hunter green with brown leather interior, sunroof and a Monsoon stereo system. He wandered inside and came back and said “I have it in black.” I said that would be fine. So, I was all excited to get this car and I was wondering when/if I would get word about the job in Springfield at the Illinois State Fire Marshall’s Office.
It turned out that I got word about it the same day as I got my car. I received word that I had the job (hooray) and that I would be starting next Tuesday (huh?). This, for those of you keeping count, gave me eight days to find a place to live, find my office, transfer my bank account, buy furniture, buy food, and give my current corporate slave job the required two-weeks notice that I was leaving.
It turned out that all of this actually had to be done by Friday. My parents, being the cool people that they are, helped me move my shit down to Springfield (a four hour drive from Chicago) and were really helpful by telling me to stop freaking out. I found a place on Saturday and moved in that day. It’s this really nice one-bedroom apartment with a parking lot, flush toilets and a LOT of space. This was odd for me having lived in the same room all my life (which is, as those of you who have seen it will confirm, is not much bigger than a dorm room) so I’m still adjusting to having so much space to put stuff. I made all the other necessary arrangements and got my shit in place. Then I went and blew a lot of money on furniture…well, not really all that much furniture: a couple of lamps, some end tables, a really comfy chair (complete with those claw feet on the legs) and two couches along with a kitchen table and some chairs. I’m currently in the process of putting up posters and such so it will feel like home soon.
A word of warning before anyone comes to visit. I have no TV service. I called the cable people the first night and they said “Oh yeah, well we have three packages to offer.” I cut the space alien voice off and said “I want the digital satellite TV dish with the internet connection.” This was what my brother and I had been campaigning for back home for almost a year. I figured that this was my opportunity to get it ‘cause it’s my place and all.
The space alien voice on the other end of the phone calmly explained that there were THREE packages that they had to offer. One was basic service which meant all the local channels, the second was twice the price and was JUST basic cable, and the third was twice as expensive the second one and was satellite TV. I asked what the difference was between that one and the cable that made it more expensive.
The space alien voice sighed and explained SLOWLY to me, the obviously uneducated cretin that I am, that this service gave me a DISH, not a cable connection. I said “yeah, but what is different service-wise. Do I get more channels, do I get a clearer signal, do I get internet with that? What?” The space alien voice explained again that this service gave me a DISH, not a cable hookup. I asked for a manager.
Another space alien voice came on and eventually told me that the dish was the same as the cable but that the equipment was more expensive. I came to the conclusion that I was NOT going to be jerked around by these assholes any more. I hung up in a huff and came to the conclusion that I don’t need cable. To quote Henry Rollins, “I think I can survive without seeing ‘Friends’…again.” My mom was shocked. “Ever since you were eight, you always said the minute you moved out you would get cable. You ranted and raved at home about how you needed your educational TV and how PBS just wasn’t cutting it.” I agreed, but this was ridiculous.
Phone service was better. I got the Ameritech guy on the phone and he said “Well we can give you unlimited local calls, 40 minutes of local toll and we can give you caller id and we can give you call waiting and (bla bla bla)” And I said I didn’t want all that I just want basic phone service so I can call home (Chicago) or Dominoes Pizza (down the street) and have the phone hit them both. The guy thought a second and said “Well, we have to give you all of this unless you want to customize your own plan, which is more expensive.” And I was pissed by now. The Cable aliens had driven me to the point of insanity, but this was just about to make me snap. When suddenly, the guy said the magic words “But we can give you DSL service as well.” There was a pause.
“Hello? Sir?”
“DSL you say?”
“Yes sir”
It turns out that what I would have spent on the Cable aliens could be spent for UNLIMITED HIGH SPEED INTERNET ACCESS!!!!! Life was good at that point.
I spent the rest of the night hooking up my stereo and my game systems to the TV and filling out paperwork for the new apartment and other things. In all, it was a tiring weekend but a lot got done and I have a place for my stuff now. I also live just two minutes away from a large Barnes and Noble. The only major hang-up I see about this town is that the best record store in town is Best Buy. That irked me a bit, but hey. I can order on-line now. This is gonna be good.